By P. Berman This game lasts so long! I want to get up…wait, what is that? Davy was so tired of sitting for the football game. But he didn’t want to leave Mr. Carson alone. Then, he heard it. Dare he look up? Davy looked at Mr. Carson- yes, he was asleep and snoring! Davy very slowly unfolded his legs- he didn’t cry out even though his legs were cramping. He crawled on his hands and knees out of the living room. I am almost out! I can run upstairs and play. Oh no! Davy could almost taste it,...

By P. Berman What should I tell him? Will he be jealous? Will he get scared? Claire had just put away the last grocery as Davy came in from the backyard with Mr. Carson. “Mommy can you play a board game with me? Mr. Carson says he is too tired.” Claire look into Mr. Carson’s face. He did look very tired. Claire was worried about him; he should sit down and relax.“What did you do to tire our Mr. Carson out?” Davy started laughing. “Well, maybe I did run after a squirrel into the forest and...

By P. Berman He is coming today! I have to finish shopping ! I need to get ready! But, it’s also laundry day… Claire is almost done with shopping for the week. Then, she needs to do the laundry and get ready for her date. If only she had done some loads last night but she had been so tired after playing games with Davy outside. It had been such a beautiful day, and knowing she was going to be gone this afternoon made her feel she needed to put out the extra effort. Her Davy was never going...

by P. Berman I was a high performer this week. Why do I feel so sick? Craig’s dad was very angry. He had heard about Craig’s performance at a meeting last week and had allowed himself a brief smile. He had called Craig up at the office to congratulate him but then he had gotten no answer; something was clearly wrong and needed to be straightened out. His son was not going to screw up yet another opportunity to show his superiority. He felt a surge of anger when after calling his son’s home...

by P. Berman I will introduce Claire to Butch. If she brings up the name Max, I will just act surprised. Craig was feeling satisfied with himself. While he was cold and stiff, from his time sitting out on his front steps, he finally had a plan he felt good about. He would be a strong man and take immediate control of the conversation before any thought of the name Max could be brought up. After kneeling down and helping Butch hold out his paw for a hand– shake, he would laugh and ask Claire...

by P. Berman I wish I could be more like my dad. If I was only as smart as he is, I wouldn’t make stupid mistakes! Craig was caught in a daydream filled with an image of himself as inferior to his dad because he gave Claire the wrong name for his current dog. He was relentlessly cutting himself down; just as Claire, with her very different family background, often cut herself down. They were intolerant of making mistakes. Yet all human’s make mistakes- even Craig’s dad. Claire came from a...

By P. Berman What is wrong with me? I know better than this. I have to fix this. Craig was sitting outside his apartment. He was cutting himself down. He had realized, few minutes after Claire got off the bus, that he had changed the name of his dog. What was wrong with him? How could he have made such a stupid mistake? He sat very still and captured a memory of his dad sitting at his desk at home. Whether at home or at the bank, his dad was always busy at work. The only difference being...

By P. Berman There he is. Where has he been? Claire had a good day at work. One child after another sat in her chair, laughed at her jokes and hugged her on the way out. She felt so good that she was looking up at the clouds as the bus pulled in. She walked up the steps and smiled at the driver as she put her money in. What a perfect day. Then, she saw him. Craig was sitting in her usual row and smiling up at her as she walked his way. Her heart skipped a beat as she smiled back. She knew...

By P. Berman Please let them pass me by again . Don’t let me have to talk. Larry had been silent for the last hour. One by one the men in group had talked about their night sweats, their screams, their pacing around their property; something, from everyone but him. What could he say? He didn’t remember anything.…. I can’t tell them about the voice. What if the blood on those hands wasn’t mine? What if the scratching means I’m crazy? These were the thoughts occupying Larry as he tried to...

I can’t sleep. I can’t sleep. I cannot let myself sleep! Larry kept exercising on the cold floor to keep himself awake. It had been three days since he’d used his prayer beads. He could not let himself fall asleep. He didn’t want another dream- he might find out that he’d been hurting someone. Hurting someone so badly that his hands were covered in blood. The morning finally came. After breakfast, he rushed through washing the dishes and ran until he was in the garden. The only place where...

By P. Berman What hurts ? How did I get these? Larry woke up feeling exhausted. He remembered the bloody hands of his dream but that was all. His arms hurt. He looked down and saw his arms were white from clutching his prayer beads so tightly; there was no blood on them. He felt a momentary relief until he happened to look down; there was blood on the floor. Something also hurt; he looked at his arms- there were deep scratches running up and down both arms. What have I done? He looked at his...

By Berman, Hecht, & Hosack They feel so smooth. They are so small. How can they help me? It’s time to go to sleep. Larry is feeling terrified alone in the dark. He is holding his gift from the Abbott. He is trying to count them and pray, for the strength to do one good thing with each bead. He stuck on bead number 3. He prayed for the strength to stop avoiding Ted: that was his first prayer, Ted had been such a good friend to him he deserves better than what he was getting. Larry had...

By Hosack, Hecht, & Berman How could he just sit here? Why wasn’t something coming out of his mouth? Larry had sat outside the Abbott’s office for an hour in the afternoon before he could get himself to knock on the door. Now he was sitting across from the Abbott- but saying nothing. The Abbott could see the suffering etched on Larry’s face; what important words were frozen in his mind? The Abbott told Larry not to worry about the words. They would pray silently together until the right...

By Berman, Hosack & Hecht Why am I freaking out? It is just a light bulb… Larry had trouble falling asleep. He kept remembering the words in his head, “your too stupid to deserve God’s help.” Could the words be true? The monks were always saying that no one was beyond redemption … no matter what they did; but what if the monks were wrong? When Larry finally fell asleep, everything looked blank but this bright bulb. In his dream there was nothing, but the bulb and silence yet could feel...

I can ask Ted. He won’t think I am being self-centered. He knows I am trying to be humble. Larry couldn’t keep this nightmare to himself any longer. He finally got the opportunity to talk to Ted later in the morning; he told him everything he could remember. Just telling Ted about the dream made him break into a sweat. Ted saw the look on Larry’s face and the moisture emanating from his skin. He looked at Larry speculatively; might Larry have PTSD? Ted had been living with PTSD for years,...

They seem so different from ferns. I like the feel of the fuzz on their vines. Larry has been trying to make the tomatoes grow for the past two weeks. They didn’t have the same deep green as the ferns. Their lives were not as delicate. Still, there was a different type of peace he was gaining from working with them. The monk in charge of the garden had not been able to get the tomatoes to grow. They would look flower but then get sickly looking and the flowers would fall off. Larry had...

I feel safe around you. I never wonder what you are thinking. Is Larry going crazy? He isn’t just thinking about the plants these days, he has begun to talk to them. He finally admits his own worries- to the plants. “I know you are going to think I am crazy,” Larry said to a fern, “but your leaves seem to move toward me as I water you.” Larry was smiling at the plant and had been just about to reach out to stroke it when he saw the monk in charge of the garden come in. The monk saw Larry...

By   P. Berman, K. Hecht & A. Hosack I don’t understand who I am . I feel so torn up inside- except with the plants. I can feel comfortable around them ! Larry came back to live at the monastery last week and most of the time he feels tortured by questions about himself. Who is he? Where did he come from? Why is he here? Two months have gone by, since his accident. While his physical rehabilitation exercises have helped him regain physical strength, none of his brain exercises have...

By   A. Hosack, P. Berman, & K. Hecht, What is wrong with me! I am as dumb as a stump!! Larry doesn’t understand? Why can he remember how to brush his teeth, but not what his name is. The rehabilitation specialist is giving him “exercises” for his body and brain to help him recover from his accident as much as he can. He is having nightmares of a dark basement, over and over. But he doesn’t understand why. He knows his name is Larry because they told him so when he woke up from his coma.

By   K. Hecht, A. Hosack & P. Berman, Is he ever going to wake up? Is he dreaming about something? Martin had been coming to the hospital every day for three weeks to watch Larry in intensive care. It’s boring yet dangerous to just be here. He must monitor if Larry wakes up. However, what’s he going to do if the police at the hospital ever find out he doesn’t have a family member in the intensive care unit? Staring at Larry through the clear glass, just out of sheer frustration, Martin...

By   P. Berman, K. Hecht & A. Hosack They are having such a good time. I hate to interrupt . But that little boy matches the description of who I am looking for! Officer Fernandez had been watching Claire, Davy, and Kevin as they ate their snack underneath the tree. In some ways, they just seemed liked a carefree group. However, only Davy really seemed carefree. Something seemed to be on the woman’s mind, she looked so serious. And, one little boy was dominating the conversation while...

By   A. Hosack & P. Berman, K. Hecht Claire hadn’t slept well all week. She was worried about Kevin, but she hadn’t called ChildLine. How could she? She had no idea where he lived or what his last name was. This Saturday, if Kevin showed up at the park, she had to find a way to get this information from him. the night before she took Davy to the park next week. She packed the snack with particular care. She would watch what he ate. Davy always ate all the peanut butter and jelly...

By   A. Hosack & P. Berman, K. Hecht I don’t know if I want to play with him again or not. I have fun with him. But maybe he steals…. Claire’s taking Davy to the park. He had been looking forward to going all week. At breakfast, he had danced around the kitchen with his cereal bowl as he reminded his mommy they were going. But now the excitement he had felt earlier felt bad- more like worry. He enjoyed his time so much more at the park when he played with somebody else. But what if the...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack & P. Berman Everything’s going the way I’d hoped. I’ll wait till next week and then ask her out. Craig was thinking about Claire every day. He imagined he saw the back of her hair swinging whenever he was in a crowd. He couldn’t stop himself from rushing up to see if the woman was Claire despite knowing how unlikely that was. Sometimes he would remember the look on her face when he had gotten angry with her. She had pulled away so quickly! She must have come from a...

By P. Berman, K. Hecht & A. Hosack What are they talking about? Will they tell me? Davy came bouncing into the room. He had heard the tail end of his mommy’s conversation with Mrs. Carson and he was very curious. He could tell by their tone of voice that they were having a serious grown-up conversation; he wanted to know what it was all about. “Mommy, what are you and Mrs. Carson talking about?” Davy asked giving her a big smile. Claire wasn’t fooled by the smile. She could tell by the...

By A. Hosack, P. Berman & K. Hecht I don’t know what to make of Craig. He got angry so quickly, that scares me. Claire was walking slowly back to the house. She was filled with a mixture of happy and distress. If she focused her mind on Craig as he came to sit next to her, showing an interest in being with her, then she felt happy. When she thought about the look in his eyes when she’d asked him about his bank, she felt scared. Once Claire walked into the house, she was met with the news...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman I wonder if my plan worked? I’ll find out today. Since the first day he saw Claire on the bus, Craig had begun planning out each step of his campaign to win her as a romantic partner. His first step had been to watch her on the bus before approaching her. His second step had been to find out where she worked and intentionally “not meet” her on the bus. Today would be the day when he’d find out if his plan for increasing her interest in him had worked;...

By P. Berman K. Hecht & A. Hosack I need to make her anxious. I need her to wonder if I’m still interested in her. Craig had been thinking about his conversation with Claire as he continued his bus journey home. He was very attracted to her, but she hadn’t shown enough interest in him. He needed to observe for more and decide what his next step would be. He needed to develop his plan carefully. At this point, the only thing Craig knew about Claire, was that she got on to the bus two...

By A. Hosack, P. Berman K. Hecht I am proud of him. He’s growing up to be a kind person. Claire woke up the next day with a smile on her face. She had dreamed about Davy and his conversation with Mr. Carson about cats. She was so happy to think that he was growing up and learning from his experience. While changing his mind about cats wasn’t the biggest decision in the world, it did reflect that he was learning to stop and think. This reminded her for some reason about Craig. I want my son...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, P. Berman It’s kind of exciting. I’ve been lonely. But what if he is like Larry? Claire was walking home with a quickstep. Suddenly she didn’t feel the least bit tired. She was smiling and laughing to herself. It had been so nice that such an attractive young man had shown an interest in her. But she didn’t want to make mistakes. How could she tell if Craig he was like Larry or a nice man more like Mr. Carson? Just as she was reaching the house, Davy burst out the...

By P. Berman, & K. Hecht, A. Hosack I am so tired. But it was a good day. Claire is on the bus traveling home. She’s gotten so used to the routine, that she’s not really observing much of what’s going on around her. She’s completely oblivious to the fact that she’s been under observation since getting on the bus. There is a young man dressed in a suit and tie who’s been watching her for the last 10 minutes. She is beautiful. And she’s always alone. Craig had been watching Claire for the...

By A. Hosack, P. Berman, K. Hecht You can do this. Know on the door! You been friends for years! Lisa will let you in!! Mrs. Carson was outside of Lisa’s house. She’d walked down the street with a firm step. But as she got closer she began to remember the look on Lisa’s face when she’d met her at the party and her steps began to slow down. Here she was now standing so close but so far from the front door. Mrs. Carson was feeling frozen between wanting to go up the walkway and….run away. No,...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack & P. Berman “It’s so cold out here Mr. Carson we have to walk a little faster or I will be too cold!” Davy said picking up his pace and dragging dog alone with him on a lease. Up a head, he suddenly saw Mr. Dugan coming towards them from the opposite direction. He began to jump up and down, “Mr. Carson, there is Mr. Dugan. He must have taken a walk! Let’s meet him half way. Hurry, hurry!” Davy’s excitement was transmitted to the dog as they began running towards...

By P. Berman, K. Hecht, & A. Hosack I don’t know what to do. But I do know I don’t want Claire to hear about this. Mrs. Carson went in search of her husband as soon as she got home. She wanted to tell him about the problem she experienced, with Lisa and get his advice about what to do. His immediate reaction was to get very angry about what Lisa had said. But, after sitting with her for a while, just being together on the couch in the living room, he said to her, “let’s act on our own...

By A. Hosack, & P. Berman, K. Hecht People noticed my editorial! Sarah read my editorial and she is telling people about it! Mrs. Carson was at a party for one of her friend’s birthdays. Everything started out so wonderfully. She hugged her friend Sara and wished her a happy birthday. Sara congratulated her on having her editorial published in the newspaper. She announced to everyone that they now had a famous author as a friend. Mrs. Carson started to laugh with pleasure until she...

By A. Hosack P. Berman & K. Hecht, Move Larry move don’t just lie there. This is your own fault. Why couldn’t you do what you were told? Martin was back at his post staring at Larry through the window of the intensive care unit. He was lost in thought, this time full of anger. He had warned Larry over and over the last night they were in prison about what was expected once they got to Philadelphia. There was nothing more he could have done to prepare him for life with the gang on the...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman I had to do it. My family had to come first. Martin had turned Larry into the gang without hesitation; he had too, he was likely being watched, everyone watched everyone else in the gang. Standing at the window, seeing all the tubes coming out of Larry, watching him in silence; Martin had literally begun shaking. It had been three days without Martin seeing Larry make a single move, no matter how small. Larry remained unconscious and unnaturally still.

By P. Berman & K. Hecht, & A. Hosack It’s my fault he was driving. I was afraid to. Have I killed him? Ted is caught in the passenger seat of the bus. He can’t get out, but he doesn’t care. He can’t take his eyes off of Larry; his body is who is crumpled against a broken steering wheel – covered in blood. Ted hears noises outside of the car but can’t identify them. He needs to help Larry. What should he do? He gently reaches over and shakes Larry’s shoulder, “Larry can you hear me?”...

By P. Berman & K. Hecht, & A. Hosack Drive the bus? Is that all? Larry walked slowly out of the Abbot’s room, in a daze about what was really going on. Surely, the Abbot would want more from him than just to drive the bus to be fixed. Was this for real? Did he understand what was going on? Larry felt safe at the monastery, but he often found himself in a state of confusion; He didn’t understand how things worked in a religious community. Nothing seemed to work as he expected it to.

By P. Berman & K. Hecht, & A. Hosack I like this. Could my life always be like this? Could I just stay here and never leave? Larry wanted to stay at the monastery. Later this morning, Larry was going to meet with the Abbot for the first time. He was going to ask for permission to stay – he feared he be told he had to go. What did he have to offer the monks anyway? Larry was pacing around, doing nothing useful with his time when Ted arrived. Thankfully, Ted had asked him for help...

By A. Hosack, P. Berman & K. Hecht, I have so many questions. Is it safe to ask any? Larry’s mind was in turmoil; He felt his past pain and suffering now as if his body was still being torn apart by his father. Yet, during some of his prayer sessions with the monks – he felt a sense of healing. Where was it coming from? He would look around and see nothing, just a room full of bowed heads. Sometimes the prayers were internal to each monk, so the silence was profound, yet in some way he...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman, We can’t afford this dog. What are we going to do? They couldn’t afford the dog. They had tried every which way to find a way to be able to do it- Davy had already named it Buddy. But, despite a growing attachment with everyone, Buddy was going to have to go. It wasn’t the food that was causing the problem- it was Buddy’s health care needs. Just checking on the cost of inoculation shots had nailed home the truth that Buddy had to go; veterinarian...

By P. Berman, K. Hecht & A. Hosack, I can’t believe it! Look what she did for me! I can’t… Claire was holding the Saturday morning newspaper and feeling in shock. She had planned to just lay on the sofa and relax watching TV- it wasn’t easy to find time to just hang out and not try to accomplish a chore or a job. Davy was outside playing with Mr. Carson; Claire had time just for herself. She had sipped a little milk from her glass, put it down on the coffee table, and accidentally...

By A. Hosack, P. Berman, & K. Hecht O h No ! I forgot the dog!! Claire had fallen asleep after writing in her diary. She woke up two hours later, suddenly with a vision of a small dog in the mud room all alone. Claire ran out of her room raced down the stairs and rushed into the kitchen. She quickly opened the cabinet looking for the right size bowl, grab one and filled it with water and rushed into the mudroom. The slam of the kitchen door grabbed everyone else’s attention. The little...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack, & P. Berman Home. I’ve made it home. My Davy is waiting for me. What will everyone think about the dog? Claire left the little dog in the mudroom outside of the kitchen and then came in the kitchen door. Mrs. Carson turned to look at her, startled that she was coming in the side door instead of the front door and an hour late. Dinner had been delayed for her arrival and Davy had asked Mr. and Mrs. Carson, about 20 times where she was and why she was late. I worry...

By P. Berman, K. Hecht & A. Hosack I deserve this. I am so worthless. All I had to do was get off the bus. I couldn’t even do that right. Claire didn’t ask the bus driver for help. She didn’t think she deserved help from anyone. She had made this mistake. She would have to fix it herself. Awash in thoughts that she was always wrong, she was always stupid, and she was always a waste of space, she kept moving her feet in what she thought was the right direction. Claire had learned so much...

By A. Hosack & P. Berman & K. Hecht I’m not fired, I’m not fired, I must get back to work. I have to help my next patient! Claire still feels like a total failure and is struggling to do her job. She forces herself up from the chair and notices she still has the full cup of coffee the dentist gave her. She tries to take a sip, but it just makes her stomach hurt more; she throws it into the trash and walks quietly to her workspace and cleans everything up to be ready for the next...

By K. Hecht, A. Hosack & P. Berman What did I do? She is yelling at me. She sounds so like my mother. I must keep it together! Claire was having a very stressful day at work. Nothing she is doing is working like she has come to expect but she is trying to act professionally despite that. She has been cleaning a seven- year- old boy’s teeth- they were very dirty. She was doing her normal thing, trying to be friendly by talking to his teeth as if they were alive. She said to them, “dear...